Dear Baby Boomer Pedestrians of Vancouver,
I regret to inform you, but I will not, in fact, stop biking on the curb just because you have pointed your index finger somewhere out in the general direction of the road. You see, I understand that the curb is primarily for pedestrians, and as a safety-minded cyclist, I fully understand your wish to go about your day unhindered by the ticking of my wheels or, I don't know, my ability to completely steer around you.
You must understand. I'm not doing this for the thrill of going much slower than it would take for me to not steer around you or have my speed reduced by pavement bumps. The thing is, I am not safe cycling on the road where we currently are. And I very much like the state of being not dead or mangled.
That white diamond you pointed out to me on the road on East Broadway? That is not a bike lane. That is a bus lane. And I do not wish to become a human pancake for the next 99 B-line sweeping up behind me. Up on the curb I go, because too many motor vehicles think “yield” means “everyone yield to me for I AM CAR, and I am steel and leather and the roar of hydrocarbon dragon's breath”
And I am so, SO sorry that you need the ENTIRE triple-wide pavement of Main street to walk your tiny rat-dog in its fashionably tiny rat-dog sweater. And I am not a monster, dear baby-boomer. I see your rat-dog and I swerve around your rat dog and I take a few moments after deliberately choosing not to flip you the bird for yelling at me to appreciate your long woolen overcoat. It gives a nice fall flair.
Perhaps you should form a club with the man who called into CFOX radio station the other day to complain about a cyclist at the roundabout of 10th and Glen “Whipping past me without stopping!”
At a roundabout! On a designated bike lane! “And if I had not looked, and accidentally hit that cyclist, well, I would have been the bad guy, there. So those cyclists need to pay more attention to the road.”
Yes, dear baby boomer, we cyclists, protected only by our helmets and our gloriously toned thighs must pay more attention to entitled truck drivers who listen to CFOX as their radio station of choice because if we are not careful, those truck drivers might not remember the rules of the road and do something completely dangerous and illegal in a roundabout and they MIGHT LOOK BAD. On a designated. Bike route.
God forbid I ever try to turn left at a busy intersection.
And so until delivery trucks and luxury cars stop seeing “bike lane” as, like, just a suggestion, whatever, I am still going to raise myself up those precious six inches and bike on your consecrated concrete dedicated to human footfalls.
Because it's safer and I have places to be.
I love you all. Biking is fun.